Irrational Vs rational

We have a little dispute over some petty issues for the past 2 days... it's the first time that has happened to my relationship and the first time since we are together... I have no idea why also... petty issues such as driving, understanding, etc was never an issue to me... I'm always there to open myself and communicate what I want... usually is the other half that need time to open themselves up, and I will always there by their side to tell them to communicate with me, In order for the relationship to work is to communicate in order to understand etc.. but this time round I'm totally close up in my relationship... afraid to communicate... afraid to speak my thoughts... afraid to give... afraid to know... I'm always constantly calculating my every step I move forward... only to find myself moving 3 step forward, 2 step back... I'm like a hermit crab, carrying a heavy shell on my back... the minute I see movement I run back into my shell to hide... why am I so afraid??
I'm afraid of losing again... the feeling of left alone... to die is terrible... and its because of that my thoughts are blinded by these pain that may or may not exist in the first place... why my heart feel so heavy now... like it's been chained down, bolted shut tight... Qi told me love is irrational... if it become rational you are not loving... its true I agree with her... but been irrational I had pay a big price for it... but in the first place I should not be calculative about it... its a choice of my own... I choose to love them... and no body will know where the path will led to eventually... love is something that you have to constantly take care of... in order for it to grow well and good. Those who mend it well, see the result of their labour. Although some mend it well but he/she fail to see that the condition around it fails to make it grown healthily. Why guard myself so much, when I know that whatever path it goes eventually depend on how we work together to make this love grow strong... even it fail.. no one is to blame just that one decided to take a rest and don't want to take care of it anymore... just like you only live your life once... once love pass.. it will never come back again... so why waste the energy to ponder whether to plant the seed of love in your heart, when there is someone there in front of you holding your hand together, waiting for you to garden the seed of love with him... some one who is willing to share his garden knowledge to teach and learn together with you how to mend this love...
He is in fact a very different person that I have come across my path... all of them I met are injured road passer that I came across on my path... people that I tried my best to save them, to make them understand that love is in the air and bring them together as I walk down the road... hoping that one day they will love you back just like the day I set my eyes on them when they are lying on my path... unlike him... he is there to set his arm open to welcome me into his arm.. and ask me to walk down the road together... his not afraid of the rough road ahead that may or may not exist... all he asked for is to hold on to his hand and walk together... thats why he is special than the others I have met... and I was blinded by my fear and doubts... now I am standing at the cross road... to risk or not to risk... both road led to unknown....... I think my thought is clear and I have made my decision...